I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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