Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
