mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize