paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i already hear my dad disowning me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
