Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
