I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
