Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They have beer where we have blood.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
