Tell her she can't have a vagina
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
