Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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