Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
