I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
