I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
