you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
