I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
