Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
