the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
