forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize