A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
