singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
