I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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