Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
