so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
