maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
