It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
