I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
