I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
