Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
