I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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