Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
