I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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