Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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