don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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