i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
