Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
