so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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