There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i already hear my dad disowning me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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