I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
