i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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