my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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