He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
