Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize