ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
