Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
