your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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