bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
