Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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