I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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