I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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