did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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