i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Randomize
