I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
