like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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