I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have fence marks all over my body
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
