i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
