She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
