Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
