My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
