Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
