If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
