a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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