I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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