I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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