just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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