I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
